“It’ll be the longest we’ve been apart since...um…”

“Five months,” Meleng said.

“Has it only been that long?” Sinitïa rolled over so that she was lying partially on top of him. “It feels like longer.”

“A lot has happened.” He wanted to put his arm around her, but she was lying on top of his left, and his right… Its stump moved instinctively, but that didn’t achieve his purpose.

Sini was always good about ignoring the random movements of what was left of his right arm. She knew it embarrassed him. However, this time, she didn’t so much acknowledge the movement, but she did comment on something related. “You’re going to be okay, you know.”

“I hope so. We’ll probably be going into danger and you never—”

“That’s not what I mean.”

He’d known that, but he didn’t really want to talk about what she meant.

“Promise me you’ll talk to Feviona?”

He stared up at the chandelier, then closed his eyes and opened them again.

She rolled off him onto her back and kicked at the bed. “Oh for fuck’s sake. This is real, okay? The chandelier is real. I’m real. It’s all fucking real!”

He gulped and turned his head to look at her. “Sorry.”

She was staring at the ceiling now, and it was several seconds before she looked at him. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t swear like that, but it makes you pay attention to me.”

“It does?” He always paid attention to her.

“Yes. It startles you because it reminds you I’m not the naïve girl you first met.”

“I…” Gods, she was right. He still thought of her that way a lot.

“It’s okay.” She turned onto her side, and ran her hand through his hair. “I wish you’d stop, but I still love you.”

He smiled at her.

“Will you talk to Feviona?”

He nodded.

“You’ll have lots of time. You have to do something while you travel.”

He nodded again.

“And if it gets hard, Akna can help you. And remember, it’s hard for Feviona too, but you two have to talk to each other.”

He kept nodding.

“So, you’ll do it?”

“I’m nodding.”

She giggled. “I know, but I want to hear you say it.”

“I’ll talk to her. I promise.”

“Then I believe you.” She kissed him, then rolled onto her back again. “You should get some sleep.”

But he didn’t sleep. Not much, at any rate. Sini fell asleep quickly, but he lay there, staring at the chandelier and occasionally closing his eyes for a moment to check if it was all real.

That had been last night.

Now, he sat at a small table in a crowded tavern, feeling guilty about not sleeping like Sini had asked him to. When Felitïa had transported them to Porthaven, Sini had called out that she loved him. It had occurred to him now that he hadn’t said it back to her, either that morning or the night before. So he felt guilty about that too.

Feviona sat to his right, and she also looked like she was feeling guilty. Unfortunately, this was probably not the best place to talk to her—not about what they needed to talk about. Of course, they would be signing, so no one else would be able to “overhear” them, but it still felt like the wrong place. But he would talk to her. Like Sini had said, they had lots of time, and he absolutely would keep his promise. As much as he really didn’t want to talk about it, Sini was right that they needed to, so he would do it.

Akna pushed her way through the crowd, carrying three sloshing mugs, which she placed on the table in front of them. Then she took a seat at Meleng’s other side. “They’re going to bring us some food soon.” She took a drink from her mug.

Meleng stared at the mug in front of him. He should drink something, but he didn’t really feel like it at the moment. He’d wait until the food arrived.

Feviona lifted her mug and tentatively sniffed at it. Then she brought it to her lips and took a hesitant sip.

“Have you never had ale before?” Akna said, then put her own mug down. “Oh, sorry.” She started to sign, but Feviona shook her head. Akna shrugged and picked up her mug again. “What have you been doing in Quorge all this time?”

Feviona tilted her head, and stared at Akna.

“I mean, do you never…I don’t know…do something where people drink things?”

Feviona placed her drink back on the table. “Yes, but I usually drink water.”

“Water’s boring.” Akna took a drink of her ale. “Besides, unless you spend time boiling it, it’s dangerous. You could get sick.”

“I cleanse it first,” Feviona said.

Akna looked about to say something, but then thought better of it. “Of course you do.”

Feviona smiled. “But I don’t mind trying this, but I warn you, Meleng knows what I’m like drunk.” She raised her mug and took a long drink of the ale, almost downing the whole thing in one go.

Akna leaned over at Meleng. “You’ve seen her drunk?”

“Sort of,” Meleng said. “Not really, but I’ve seen her drained of magical energy, which leaves her kind of drunk.”

“What’s she like?” Akna said in a conspiratorial whisper.

Meleng stared down at his drink. “She gets kind of...I don’t know...amorous.”

Akna sat back in her chair. “You mean horny?”

Meleng grimaced. “Um, sort of? Maybe?”

Akna laughed loudly.

Meleng grimaced again and looked around. There was enough noise in the tavern already that no one seemed to notice, but he was still worried about drawing too much attention. They had been stared at all the way here. By the time they got here, most of the staring was directed solely at Feviona, rather than the group of them. No one at the tavern had seen their sudden appearance out of nowhere, but an Isyar! That was something to gawk at.

Feviona banged on the table to get his attention. “What was that last word she said? I didn’t recognise it.”

“Oh, um…” He did his best to sign one handed. “I don’t know your sign for it. It means desiring…” He wasn’t even sure how to say that. It wasn’t like sexual terminology ever came up in their conversations—not that they had many of those these days, anyway. He just said it aloud. “Sex. It means desiring sex.”

Feviona smiled knowingly. “Ah, I understand.” Then she showed him the sign, and both she and Akna laughed this time.

Meleng sighed.

A waitress carrying a tray with three bowls made her way to their table. She placed the bowls in front of them, and Akna passed her a few coins. “Thanks.”

After the waitress left, Meleng said, “How much money do we have anyway?”

“I’m not sure,” Akna said. “Anita gave me a bunch and I haven’t bothered counting it. We just need to careful not to flaunt it and draw attention to ourselves. That’s why I didn’t get anything fancy. Just this…” She motioned to her bowl. “Stew.” She lifted the bowl, took a sniff, and turned up her nose. “I think I’ve been eating fancy palace food for too long.”

Meleng tried a bit of the stew. It wasn’t very good, but he had had worse. It had a lot of cabbage and a few tubers in it, even a tiny bit of unidentifiable meat. It was also very greasy, which was typical for this part of Elooria. There wasn’t a lot of flavour to it, but it wasn’t objectionable.

Akna, however, clearly didn’t like it, as she made disgusted faces throughout eating it. “All right, next time I’ll get something better.”

Feviona ate hers without emotion or comment.

Akna drank down the rest of her drink and wiped her face. “So where do we have to go? How does this crystal work?”

Meleng pointed to the crystal hanging around Feviona’s neck. “See how its lying horizontal even though its chain is only attached to one end, so it should lie vertical?”

Akna nodded.

“It’s pointing east, which is the direction towards Felitïa.” He held out his hand. “May I?”

Feviona undid the chain and handed it to Meleng. It was cool to the touch. Agernon’s precautions were, as typical, overly cautious. He held it close to Akna.

“That glow indicates Felitïa?” Akna said, pointing to the very dim light at the end of the crystal.

“Yes, but…” He had to squint to find what he was looking for. “There and there. Notice there are two other even dimmer points. They’re at the opposite side of the crystal because that’s where we are relative to Felitïa.”

“Uh...oh yeah.”

“Those are us. I think.”

“I thought it gets hot around us.”

Meleng handed it back to Feviona. “It gets hot around Felitïa, but only those of us in the line in her head can feel its heat. It gets worse when we’re near her as well, and maybe it gets hot when it’s around a bunch of us without Felitïa, but just the two of us doesn’t seem to have an effect. Still, it’s best for Feviona to carry it, just in case.”

“How’s that going to help us find Quilla? There wasn’t a dot for her.”

Meleng shrugged. “We’re probably too far from her. Presumably, when we get closer, there’ll be another little dot like ours. Until then, we just head towards Collogia and hope we’re right about her going there.”

“Okay, let’s get some rest and we’ll set out first thing in the morning. They only had one available room, so we have to share. Let’s hope Feviona isn’t too..amorous.”

“I’ve only had one mug of ale. I think I can control myself, as captivating as you and Meleng may be.” Feviona smiled sarcastically.

Akna laughed again.

* * * * *

He didn’t think about his parents much. Truth be told, he’d left home so young, he barely remembered them. He did retain an image of his father—a tall, bearded man, though the tallness might just have been because Meleng had been so small—but his mother was only a vague silhouette in his head.

While he didn’t think of them much, he dreamt of them even less. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d dreamt of his parents—maybe during the period of time he was trying to get back to them, just before he met Jorvan—so it was surprising to dream of them this night.

It wasn’t much of a dream. The silhouette of his mother led him by the hand to Hittlevar, while his father stood beaming nearby. “Reclaim the Drago name, son,” his father said. “Make us proud.”

He opened his eyes, and sat up. The room was dark and quiet apart from soft snores from Akna.

Why dream about his parents now? Was it a memory? That was uncertain as he didn’t really remember most of his early time with Hittlevar.

It kept him distracted later as they headed on the road north out of Porthaven, repeating in his head over and over.

“Want to talk about it?” Akna asked while Feviona flew off ahead to scout.

A cold wind was blowing in from over the Bay of Elooria to their left. Meleng shivered. “It’s not what you think it is.”

“What do you think I think it is?”

“You think I’m dwelling on my lost arm or my time in Isyaria or both.”

She looked away from him. “Not necessarily.”

“Yes, you are.”

With a sigh, she looked back at him again. “Okay, maybe I was, but if you’re not, we can talk about whatever you’re thinking of.”

“Did Sinitïa put you up to this?”

“No!” She stopped walking. “Well, yes and no. You know she arranged for us to talk, even if we haven’t done it much since the first couple times, but I’m also doing it because I care about you, you know. A lot. I care about you a lot. You know that.”

He stopped and turned back to face her. The wind carried with it ice-cold spray that stung his face. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m not very good company these days.”

She walked up to him. “Then let us help you.”

He wiped the spray from his face. “Yeah, sorry.”

She linked her arm with his and they started walking again. “So what’s the problem?”

“I had a dream about my parents last night, and it’s been bothering me.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” He told her what had happened in the dream.

“I can guess the problem,” she said.

“Really?”

She stared at him agape. “Yes! And I can’t believe you can’t see it.”

“I...I really can’t.”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Your father said to reclaim the Drago name. That’s pretty terrifying. The Dragon is your fucking ancestor. Why the hell do you want to go reclaiming that name?”

The wind was getting stronger and the spray stung even more. Meleng squinted at Akna. “Well, to reclaim it so people realise that just because we’re related to him, we’re not all like him.”

“You said your family was forbidden from practising magic for ten generations, right?’

“Yes, and I’m the eleventh.”

“Do you really think that just because ten generations have passed, people will accept you if you announce your name to the world. If you had announced yourself as a Drago in Ninifin, you’d be put to death whether you were practising magic or not. You wouldn’t have a chance to reclaim your name.”

“They tried to kill me anyway.”

“Yeah, but that was for different reasons.” She tried to look away from him, but the blowing wind made her look back at him to avoid the spray. “Okay, that was a bad example, but honestly, Meleng, you need to just be yourself. Forget your name. Don’t try to build a reputation on it.”

“I haven’t.”

“Good. Keep not doing it.”

They walked for a while longer, the wind continuing to blow spray off the bay. If not for the wind, it would have been pleasant. To their left, the waters of the bay were not calm, but it was still a majestic sight, the water spreading out seemingly endlessly to the horizon. To their right was farmland, and then forest farther in the distance. The sun shone intermittently as it came in and out from behind the clouds. Occasionally, he caught a glimpse of Feviona flying up ahead.

“Is it always this windy?” Akna asked.

“Don’t know,” Meleng said.

“I thought you said you had your apprenticeship out here.”

He shook his head.

“But you said the Bay of—”

“Of Elooria, yes.” He tried to point across the bay with his missing arm, once again forgetting for a moment that he didn’t have it anymore. So he nodded to the west instead. “It was the other side, in Aristan. Now that I think of it, it was kind of windy there, though.”

Akna looked over the bay. “Oh, I see. Arnor’s too big.” She laughed. “So, are you going to talk to Feviona?”

Meleng groaned. “Sini did put you up to this, didn’t she?”

Akna laughed some more. “Sini. I love how you call her that.”

“It just sort of started. She calls me Melly, and somewhere along the way, I started calling her Sini.”

“You don’t need to justify it. I like pet names. I call Corvinian Corvin, and there was Chica, of course. Don’t worry, I won’t start calling you Melly. That’s for her.”

His cheeks warmed despite the cold wind. “Yes, it is. But you’re avoiding the question. She got you to pressure me to talk to Feviona, didn’t she?”

Akna squirmed a little and took a moment to answer. “I told you before, yes and no. She kind of implied it. But I would have done it anyway. You need to talk to Feviona. I can see that. Sinitïa can see that. I’m pretty certain everyone can see that.”

“I know, it’s just…”

“It’s hard, I get it.”

“Yeah, but she…”

“She’s reluctant too, I know, and if I have time alone with her, I’ll try to get her to talk to you. Maybe I’ll just bring it up with both of you together. How about that?’

He sighed. “I’ll talk to her, I promise. I already promised Sini.”

“When?”

“I don’t know. Tonight?”

She hummed it over. “I suppose that will do.” She nudged him playfully in the side. “You’re such a coward.”

“Well, I can’t do it now! She’s not here. But yeah, I know, I’m a coward.”

She tightened her grip on his arm, and laid her head against his shoulder. “I’m a coward when it comes to that sort of thing too. I get it.”

“Fine, I’ll do it tonight. Happy?”

‘I will be when you’ve done it.”

Meleng rolled his eyes, and they continued on.

The wind got stronger and colder, but at least the road moved a little farther from the shoreline—or maybe that was just because of the tide going out. Either way, it was a relief from the spray for a while. Clouds blew in as the day passed, however, and soon, it started to rain, light at first, but then gradually heavier.

They were drenched through by the time they stopped for the night in a small town called Gobol. It had a small tavern with a single room they could rent for the night. Despite the fire and a warm meal, Meleng continued to shiver for much of the evening. It wasn’t just the cold. It was nerves as well. The thought of talking to Feviona terrified him. It was ridiculous, really. There was no reason to be afraid, but he was.

As they finished their meals, Akna rose. “I’m going to ask around and see if there’s a place we can buy some horses tomorrow. I don’t mind walking, but…” She motioned to Meleng. “I don’t think you like it very much.”

“I’m okay,” Meleng said.

Her eyes narrowed. “You hate it. You spent all afternoon complaining that we didn’t get any in Porthaven.”

“No, I…” He stopped, realising what she was doing. “Oh yeah, right. I really don’t like walking that much.”

Akna smiled and went over to talk to the innkeeper.

Meleng sat there a moment, smiled at Feviona, and then took a sip of his ale. He stared into the mug. There wasn’t much left. He couldn’t use it to delay things much longer.

Feviona banged on the table, and he looked up. “Huh?”

“I said, do you want to wait for me to get drunk first?”

He stared at her. “Um… I…”

“I know what she’s doing. She’s giving us a chance to talk. I was just trying to lighten the mood a little.”

He chuckled nervously. “Oh.” He took another sip and put the mug down. “Sinitïa wants me to talk to you. No, that’s not right. She wants me to, but I also want to. Sort of. I’m just…” He paused. He wanted to say nervous but he needed two hands for that, and all his right stump was willing to do was twitch. He picked up his mug again and took a drink, hoping to hide how much he was shaking. He was fairly certain it didn’t work.

Feviona was staring at him when he lowered the mug. “I can understand most of your language now, so you can speak what you want to say.”

He nodded, and took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he did so. When he opened them, her eyes had narrowed and she was scowling, but otherwise, she looked the same.

“Please don’t do that right now.”

He gulped. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to. I was…” He sighed. He might not have meant to, but he had still done it. It was becoming a habit, and he needed to break it. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have done it. What I was trying to say before is, I want to talk but… I’m afraid.”

She bowed her head briefly. “I understand. It’s hard for me too.”

“I don’t blame you,” he blurted. “I mean for what happened to me…for…” He nodded towards his right.

She smiled very slightly. “I know you don’t, but I do blame myself. I took you into battle.”

“And I went willingly. I knew the risks.”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t think you did, but I did. I knew the power of these creatures.”

“No. I knew. I was there for the previous encounters.”

“And you nearly died in the first.”

“Yes, but I knew the risks. What I didn’t know was Kranian’s strength, and neither did you.”

Feviona took a deep breath. “Let me finish what I am trying to say.”

“Sorry.”

“I know I have been distant recently, and I apologise for that. I am sorry for taking you into a battle that lost you your arm. I believe I was wrong for doing that, but I appreciate the you believe otherwise. Either way, I acknowledge that I need to move past it. I cannot be an effective teacher to you if I have difficulty communicating with you. More than that, I cannot be a good fomaze, and I am deeply ashamed that I have been a bad one. I love you dearly, Meleng, more than I can express, and I hope you can forgive me.” There were tears in her eyes, and she wiped them away.

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Meleng said, wiping his own tears. “I’m sorry, too. I’ve been distant, and I know it’s frustrated a lot of people: Sini, Akna, Jorvan...you. I can’t promise I’ll be better, but I promise to try.”

She smiled at him. “I forgive you.”

Meleng raised his mug and took a sip—except it was already empty. He hadn’t realised he’d finished it. Not that it mattered. He wasn’t all that fond of ale anyway. “Any chance of a lesson tonight?”

“Of course, but let’s talk first. Update me. How are you and Sinitïa?”

He grimaced, and immediately wished he had more ale after all.

“Is something wrong?”

He shook his head. “No, nothing’s wrong. Nothing big, anyway. I’ve been a little distant with her as well, and we’ve had a couple small disagreements as a result. Like you, she doesn’t like it when I…when I do that thing to test reality.”

“I know. She’s told me.”

Meleng forced a chuckle to hide his grimace. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me. But things are fine otherwise. I think.” His heart skipped a beat. “She hasn’t said anything’s wrong, has she?”

Feviona shook her head, and he breathed a sigh of relief. “She has expressed concern. That is all.”

“Oh, good.”

“What else has been happening with you recently?”

Meleng took a moment to think. “I dreamt about my parents last night.”

Feviona tilted her head. “Go on.”

“It wasn’t much. Just a dream. I don’t normally dream about them.”

“You don’t normally talk about your…” She hesitated. “Parents.” The sign she made was actually for diaree, but Meleng understood what she meant. Given Isyarian had no word for parents, it made sense she wouldn’t have a sign for it.

“I don’t really remember them,” he said. “I was so young when I last saw them.”

She frowned. “That’s a shame. Memories shape us, and our memories are shaped by the people around us. I cannot imagine not having any memory of my diare or…” Meleng was fairly certain her next sign was a name, but it was one he was unfamiliar with and had never heard spoken aloud or seen written down. She must have noticed his confusion. “Sorry. [Unknown name] is the Isyar who birthed me.”

“It’s okay,” Meleng said. “I have lots of other memories to shape me. I don’t really need memories of my parents. I’ve got people like you.”

She smiled. “And I am happy to be in your life, but I have been part of it for a very short time. Who did you have before me and Jorvanultumn and Sinitïa? Or Nin-Akna.”

Aknad place more mugs of ale on the table and sat back down beside him. “What about me?”

“We’re just talking about the people in my life before you and Sini, and her.”

“We are talking about memories, and their value in shaping us,” Feviona said.

Akna squinted and bit her lower lip. “Sorry, I didn’t quite follow that.”

“She said we’re talking about the value of memories,” Meleng said. “To be honest, before I met Jorvan, there weren’t many people in my life. Just Hittlevar, my teacher.”

“He was an incompetent teacher. This much I know, but what was he like in the other duties of a diare?”

“You mean as a father? Fine, I guess.”

“Did he love you?”

Meleng wracked his mind. “In his own way, I suppose.” Hittlevar had always been a bit distant, though that was just sort of his way. He could be scatterbrained, and never seemed the sort to think in terms like love.

“His own way?” Akna said. “That’s an odd answer.”

“Well, he never said it, but… You’re one to talk. You don’t even know who your father is.”

Akna took a drink. “Yeah, but I had my mother and uncles. That’s the way it works with Ninifins. You didn’t have a father present, but you had… What did you say his name was? Hittlepar?”

“Hittlevar.”

“Right. You had him, but you also apparently didn’t. Did you love him?”

Meleng picked up his mug and tried to hide behind it. “How has this suddenly become a psychoanalyse Meleng session?”

Akna stared at him. “I don’t even know what that word means. Can you tell me it in Ninifin?”

“Um…” Meleng shook his head. “I never had to use it in Ninifin. I suppose it would be something like…” He tried to piece together the Ninifin words for examine and mind.

Akna burst into laughter. “That sounds very painful, but I get your meaning, and I’m sorry if I’m prying too much.”

“That’s all right. I promised Feviona I’d try to be more open with people.”

“So, you two talked then?”

Feviona bowed her head. “We did.”

“Did you get us some horses?” Meleng asked, hiding his grin behind his mug.

“I did.” Akna frowned. “Sort of. Not exactly. But I did find out where we can get some tomorrow.”

They talked for a while after that. Thankfully, there was no more discussion of Meleng’s past, or indeed, much of his present, either. Mostly, they talked about their experiences with horses, which was limited for both him and Akna, and non-existent for Feviona.

Eventually, they retired to their room, where he and Feviona worked on his forms, sharing power for the first time since he lost his arm. It was exhilarating, and it helped make him feel a little alive again.

As he prepared for bed, Akna sat beside him. There was only one bed, and he and Akna were going to share it, while Feviona took the floor. “You looked happy there for a few moments. I haven’t seen you look happy for a while.” She hugged him and kissed him on the cheek, then lay down to sleep.

Meleng sat up for a while. He hadn’t answered Akna’s earlier question about whether he loved Hittlevar. He wanted to say he did—in his own way—but he wasn’t even sure of that anymore. It occurred to him how little he had thought of Hittlevar since leaving his apprenticeship, and that said something about what he truly felt about Hittlevar.

He had always known Hittlevar was not a particularly good wizard, even though he had avoided admitting it to himself. Hittlevar had also been a poor parent. He had taught Meleng more than magic. He had taught him mathematics, science, history. He had given Meleng work to do, and problems to solve. But he had never spent time with Meleng. Not social time. Not that Meleng could remember, at any rate. Maybe there had been something early on, but not later. He had otherwise left Meleng to himself, and they lived in such an isolated location that Meleng rarely saw anyone else, and those he did see were never around long enough for any sort of friendship to form between them.

Maybe that was why he lacked confidence. His parents had abandoned him to a mediocre wizard who didn’t care for him, and he had never had any friends. It made sense. Those things had shaped him as a person, and now he was frequently on the verge of giving up because he had encountered adversity.

Feviona was right. Memories were important and valuable. But luckily, they didn’t have to be early memories. His life changed the day he met Jorvan. Despite the adversity, despite even losing his arm, it had changed for the better. He realised that now, and he would try to stop feeling sorry for himself.

When he finally lay down, Akna was snoring away, and he wished he had lain down earlier as the noise kept him awake awhile longer. When he did fall asleep, he didn’t dream of his parents again, or of Hittlevar. He dreamt of Jorvan and Sinitïa, Akna and Feviona, as well as Felitïa, Rudiger, and even Zandrue.

He dreamt of his friends.